Kind is a State of Mind
Hello everyone, welcome to A Kind Mind Chicago. Why A Kind Mind? We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to others, feeling we don’t measure up, putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others that are never attainable, or decide we are “not capable” or are “not enough.” We learn this from an early age from the messages from our family, our friends, the larger culture, especially from social media.
My own journey with my inner critic started early in life when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, Crohn’s Disease at nine years old. Crohn’s disease is an autoimmune condition where the body attacks areas of the digestive tract thinking there is a threat. I won’t go into the details but let’s say that Crohn’s disease kept me home from school a lot, with painful symptoms that incapacitated me and often prevented me from participating in everyday kid things you do when you are young. In my mind, I saw myself as different from other kids, became depressed, and thought my “damaged” self could never live a normal life. This critical mind state kept my life small and safe for many years and kept me stuck in a cycle of constant criticizing, comparing, and badgering from my inner critic.
One of the strongest daily practices I found throughout my life that was helpful in combating the inner critic is mindfulness practice. Beginning with sitting and observing what I was thinking, feeling, and sensing, within my body and mind, was the first step in realizing the harm I was inflicting on my psyche and my overall health. But the second and most important daily practice that helped transform my self-inflicted wounds was learning to practice kindness and compassion towards myself and others.
After years of criticizing and comparing, I was softening, and had a compassionate voice to counteract the daily chatter of my critical mind. I became less stressed. I started being kinder to others, and I began to feel a growing sense of well-being inside of me. A realization that as human beings, everyone is facing some kind of struggle in their lives, which has helped me judge others less harshly. And when I embraced that mindset, I didn’t have to be perfect. I could remove the judgments and allow this beautiful and precious life to unfold just as it is, the world won’t end. Now when I experience a stressful moment, instead of criticizing, I can pause, breathe, and ask myself the question, “What is the kindest thing I can do for myself in this moment?” While my inner critic didn’t disappear, it doesn’t impose itself so strongly into my daily life.
Compassion research bears out what I was experiencing. A newly published review from the American Psychological Association evaluated 126 studies on kindness and showed that people who performed acts of kindness, whether formal or informal, tended to have a greater sense of well-being. Researchers also found that people who were kind had a greater sense of meaning and purpose in life; more than those who had a sense of pleasure and comfort.
So where do we start? Practicing kindness can be as easy as opening a door for a stranger, smiling at your neighbor, or listening to a good friend in a non-judgmental way. During the pandemic, studies found that hugging played an important role in helping others feel loved and have a sense of connection. So go ahead and start a kindness revolution, it all begins with you.
Want to learn more about taming your inner critic, cultivating kindness and compassion, and learning more about mindfulness practice? Join my email list to be contacted about upcoming workshops and classes in the Chicago area.
